Holy Craptastica!!!!  It's 11:04pm and I should have been asleep hours ago.  I am in pain from my first workout with Amy. The front of my thighs are killing me.  That's pretty much the only part on me, so far.  Once i wake up in the morning I will know where the pain really is.  lol   I have decided to accept the challenge of signing up for the class for 6 months. 

I hope in several months I can be proud of my results.  My appointment is tomorrow so I'm very excited.  I know I will be sore and miserable but its so worth it!

Called a Karate facility today to get an appointment with the trainer.  Amy, the trainer, does Kick Boxing in her studio as a side class.  She didn't even flinch when I told her that I weigh 315 lbs.  Amy mentioned that shes had a lot of success with people my size so not to worry.  I'm so excited!  I have my cute workout outfit on its way so I can try to look cute with the flub flying around. lol   Seriously, I'm super excited!  I'm not proud of getting to this point even though it wasn't intentional.  However, I'm proud of myself for taking the first steps to get the weight off.

This is my first Blog, ever.  My sister posts these all the time and honestly I thought they were a fad so never bothered.  However, its a nice way to get all your shit out. lol   I will be talking about pretty much everything from the last couple of years to current.  Once I get all that out of my system I can start a new day.  
Here's a timeline to put things into perspective. 

September 14, 2007 I married the love of my life. May 15, 2008 life changed. I woke up like normal on a work day with my husband laying next to me unable to get out of bed. Something was very wrong with his back.  My husband lie in bed in pain and there was nothing I could do but go to work so I didn't lose my job. I cant tell you how much I worried for him while at work. Finally, I got a phone call 6 hours later. Still unable to get out of bed my husband asked me to come home. Scared out my mind I wasn't sure what to expect when I got there. Would he be functional or just in pain and moving around?  The worst happened.  He was laying in the same exact spot as when I left for work. Getting him dressed was difficult.  We finally got the hospital and that's when the roller coaster began. So many doctor visits, so many days missed from work, so many friendships strained.  On March 18, 2010 my husband went in for his first back surgery. All of the 5 spinal injections did not help so finally enough was enough. The idea of surgery at his age was not what anyone wanted but what else can you do?  At this point our lives seemed over.  We were in so much debt from losing a second income. Bills were always late and in some cases unpaid. Hopes of having a life after surgery seemed possible. So, surgery day came and my husband was going to have a Lamenectomy.  Recovery was painful and slow. In the middle of recovery we were hit with something neither one of us were prepared for. On May 31, 2010 we received a phone call from the hospital that my mother in law was rushed to the hospital and that we needed to come down. Driving out there I didn't really think much would be wrong. I figured she might of passed out or something non threatening happened. We were wrong. Sitting there in front of her in the hospital bed drugged up on morphine is when we were told.  The doctor said that she has Cancer, Neuro-endocrine Cancer, stage 4.  I almost didn't believe what he said. All I can remember is wanting to hit him and telling him to stop fucking around tell me what the diagnosis really was. My husbands back problem seemed to melt away as my adopted mother, best friend, and someone I looked up to was dieing. I looked at her and didn't believe that was her.  Between juggling work, constant Dr. visits, and hospital visits I was losing my mind.  I decided to mentally check out and just run on auto pilot. It just seemed like the right thing to do. Crawl inside yourself and peek out once in a while to make sure everything is 'okay'. I ran like this for about the next few months until July 1, 2010 when my best friend and mother in law passed away in Hospice.  The best way I can describe this next part is my auto pilot shorted out and I was in no way ready to deal with the current reality. Not crying, stunned, and numb I left to go to work to pull some reports. Til this day I don't remember how I pulled the reports. I just remember seeing my supervisor look at me knowing how much pain I was in. I left to go back to the hospice facility. Driving over the freeway I remember looking out of the passenger side window and seeing the most angelic view of my life. The morning sun seemed like a ball of silver light lightly covered in misty clouds surrounded by a halo of gold.  I felt comforted and found a the will to crawl back in myself and block emotions I knew were too big for me to deal with.  Days, weeks, month go by and still Im not able to deal reality. So, we move to the next back surgery which was Jan 13, 2011. The procedure was an L5 S1 fusion which after little recovery we knew would be a success. With my husbands back on the mend I felt a great lift come off of me. However, I realized that even though the stress was slowly coming off the weight would take much longer. During this ordeal I ate to 'help' my severe depression. I can estimate I gained over 100 lbs during this process. Now that my husband has been blessed with a successful surgery and a permanent job our lives can now start anew.  This was a long post but needed to fully understand where I'm at now. I went from a newlywed to a full time nurse with a full time job and now, well, I don't know.  I'm so used to chaos that I'm not sure how to deal with a normal life.  I guess this is why I'm on here.  Until my next post, have a good night.